I've been 'acting supervisor' at work this past week and a half. We call the person in this position the Pseudo-Supervisor, usually because whoever is in that position tends to walk around delusional and beliving s/he is more important (and therefore holds much more power than s/he actually does) -which causes said person to have major personality flaws.

During my "term" as Pseudo-Sup., I generally rant about supplies, organization and cleanliness in the work areas. I delegate and plead with people to "JUST DO the shit in their job descriptions." Generally they try to claim that this is not in their job descriptions - and then I pull out the POSTED job openings newsletter and point out that - as we speak, there are some openings in their exact positions, and since the description (located right under the title and apply by dates) inded list the very things I have asked them to take care of. I add that - since there are X number of openings now, and chances are, we will receive many inquiries from many QUALIFIED applicants that not only will we be able to fill the vacancies, but also - possibly find someone who is not so likely to give me this amount of grief over something as simple as MAKING SURE THEY SIGN OUT supplies on the PROVIDED sheet that is ON the supply closet shelf in the first place.

I know that may seem a bit confusing; the paragraph itself is poorly constructed. I don't really care, I am under the influence of narcotics. I took the pill in order to help me sleep - since my knee has been hurting enough to prevent me from getting rest lately. I'm looking into a solution for that (since one can only do so much while taking narcotics, and my job is not one of those things that I should /would do with narcotics indcued fuzziness. (clouded judgement is not a good thing.)

This weekend (and today) I helped some friends move into their new home (their first one, they are very excited). I've met many of their other friends (married couples and single people alike). What a nice bunch of people they are.

I have been invited to a party (taking place Saturday) - and I'm looking forward to going to that. Lately, I am (for some unknown reason) superstitious enough that I cannot say much about some of the people I met (and am interested in getting to know better) because it would doom things to not work out in my favor. (boo-yah).

I am feeling quite peaceful, and happy... but that may just be the drugs talking.

All day long, I've been unable to stay focused. I realize that I did work a 12 hour shift last night but I should be rested now, I slept 4 hours, then woke up and ate; fell back asleep and slept almost 4 more. (until waking just now). I could fall back asleep and probably sleep all night (at least as far as I feel -???- still).

The dreams I've had during my sleeping have been fragmented and cryptic, other than I can tell you that they involved lots of sex with many beautiful women (some celebrities).

I woke up this time because it was hot in the house and I was very, very thirsty. I do not have a solid theory (or reasons why I feel like this today).

I have spent the day alternating between feeling restless and lazy and amorous. Most of my afternoon was spent watching "100 Best moments in horror" on BRAVO (which I love).

This is really the first day since she moved (across the country) that I have missed her more in a physical sense than just socially.

I'm not sure what significance that has. She left a week ago. (Doesn't say much about my character, now does it?)

Once the show ends (on BRAVO) I will shower, cook myself dinner and then probably end up on line.

I am bored, but I can't sleep. By that I mean I am not really very tired. I desperately would like someone to talk to; however, everyone has turned in. (Tsk tsk... Friday Night and I'm a lonely bastard without a soul to talk to.) How utterly depressing that is.

If you are out there and you come across this (I may actually still be on line) try giving me a hello. If you are also bored maybe we can relieve some of the torture. I think I'm getting heartburn. I know I had a headache earlier but I was able to make that go away with accupressure points.

I have a sense of dread threatening to overcome me and Im not sure why or where its coming from. It is lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce.

I hate nights like this so much. Lying here just wishing I would fall asleep but knowing that it isn't going to happen any time soon. Tried to watch a movie to night but I was really too distracted to pay enough attention to it to follow it. Which in turn gave me feelings of guilt, since someone had asked me to watch it with her. Then she went to bed before it was over, so I turned it off. Either my mood wasn't right for it or it was too much of an Art film for me. I don't know.

Shit.

I just don't know. I wish I had some heavy caliber sleeping pill that I could take and not wake up for a couple of days. I just don't want to think tonigiht. I feel abandoned. It isn't related to on-line so much as events in my life -- but its how I feel.

Is it too much to ask to want to be in a relationship? I know it's not all that common by society standards for a guy to want to be in a relationship but I do. And when one ends I have a period of adjustment that sometimes lasts longer simply because I mope around feeling sorry for myself. There has to be a better way to get past this phase of things. Of course it is hard to find something productive to do at eleven o clock on a friday night.

What's really sad is the only phone calls I received today were work related calls. What is up with that? I guess none of those bastard fair-weather friends NEEDED an favors. I wish it were possible to shut myself off from all of them and not have to even deal with any people on a one on one basis for a while.
I wish i didn't have to sleep alone all the time.
I wish.

How pathetic.

(Act I, Scene 2)
this is continued from FADE IN post from Monday, 7 February 2005.
_________________________________________

ANNE I am thinking about pancakes for breakfast.
She snuggles her back against him as he rubs her arm with his hand.

WILL rolls himself over her, supporting most of his weight with his arms.

WILL I can't say that as much love pancakes that they are really on my mind right now.

ANNE smirks, feigning ignorance.
Well, how about bacon then?

WILL raises an eye brow, and rolls back onto his side, and props himself up on his elbow; pretending to have lost track of what his original intentions were.
Oh, I love bacon!! Bacon it is. You can never go wrong offering me bacon, because I forget anything that was said before the word. Bacon. I love it THAT much.

ANNE laughs and attempts to shove WILL off of the side of the bed, but she is unable to.

WILL HAHA! I win!

(To be continued...)

I think that I'll take a few days to collect myself. I feel I need it after all of this. I don't feel that it is fair. My feelings are hurt.

n : one who attacks the reputation of another by slander or libel.

It's one thing to say things about me. But when a person insults my friends -- or worse, my family, I find it very hard to live by the rules of 'forgive and forget'. The forgive part usually comes in time. It is the 'forgetting' that I find extremely difficult.

I usually don't expect much from people. Give your friends the same respect and love and TIME that they give to you, and your aura will be as sweet as honeysuckle nectar.

I pride myself on dedicating time to helping people that need. I listen to them, and all I want in return is

1) for them to occasionally ASK ME HOW I'M DOING for a change,

and

2) at least try to be receptive and understanding to my feelings as I have expressed them.

I enjoy talking to people on line. I enjoy getting to know (on the superficial level allowed by electronic communication) them. I do feel a heavy sense of rejection when they disregard my feelings; even though it shouldn't matter.

I'm sorry if you feel I should always be the one to initiate things each time we meet, but it really isn't a very solid / online or otherwise / friendship if its that one sided.

I may be annonymous and somewhat fictional, but I have a heart, I've been to Oz, seen the wizzard and I do have feelings. I'm having a bad day, again. Most of you would not understand - but then again, most of you haven't asked.

Still not sleeping; either at night when I am off work or during the day after I get off work. I'd blame it on lack of sex, but ya know, when I was still married and had sex on a regular basis -- I didn't sleep then either.

I'm just not meant to sleep I guess. (no eyelids)

Anyway, it had been a while since I had stopped by the AmberBlog , so I decided to drop in tonight while I was waiting for my room to cool off enough to be able to attempt to sleep. I don't really share the same type of enthusiasm for dom/sub that Amber does with her husband however I find myself longing for a lasting relationship involving that much love and sex; which hasn't been part of my life for a while now.

I'd like to say that my life, like my weblog has been drab and uneventful; when in reality I have more shit going on in the background than I even have time to sort into piles.

Why you are the lucky recipient/s of this particular information-- when we have never really exchanged that many personal words is beyond me. Guess something I read in the last month or two worth of posts struck home. I dunno.

My girlfriend of 2 years is moving to Boston to take a (permanent) offer to be an office manager for a bunch of idiot people who can't seem to run the office efficiently. This offer came in the form of a letter on 21 December 2004. We had picked up her mail at her apartment on our way to her parents' home (a couple of hours away). I had been considering and planning for the last few months on asking this woman to marry me; only I was torn between being:

a) completely romantic and buying a ring in hopes that its the right design and she likes it and WANTS to marry me.

b) being completely traditional, asking her father and mother for their blessing BEFORE asking her - in hopes that they would give said blessing -- and that she would want to marry me.

c) being open minded, modern and safe, ask her to marry me, in hopes that she would say yes, and then pick out a ring together.

On the drive up to her folks' house, I was waiting for a break in her chatty monologue about work (always talking about work); about stupid people that don't know how to sign the supply closet list and they ran out of fax paper and how much that screwed up everything and a lot of other mundane details. Oddly, I liked listening to her rant about work because once she got it all out she transformed into a relaxed and peaceful person.

"You're awfully Quiet," she said, as she started to open her mail.

I looked over at her and smiled, and said that I was just thinking, and listening to her talk about her day. I had started to say... "and I've been thinking a lot lately..."

It was then that she became very excited and repeatedly said, "oh my god oh my god!"

She was happy on a level that was indescribible. She told me about the job offer. She told me how much money they were offering. She told me she couldn't believe it. She told me this was the best opportunity EVER.

-- What could I say at that point?

(more to come)

ACT I Scene 1
INT. BEDROOM. EARLY MORNING

WILL and ANNE are lying in bed, having just awoken, the curtains are drawn but a small amount of light filters through. They are motionless and quiet.

WILL rolls onto his back, stretches and cracks his toes and ankles.

ANNE, lying on her side, smiles and scrunches her toes in an attempt to make them crack. Faint cracking sounds can be heard.

WILL smiles and wiggles his feet, cracking his ankles multiple times. It is much louder than hers was.

ANNE cracks her toes again, and they continue with this competitive exchange for a few rounds.

WILL wiggles his feet, but nothing happens.

ANNE giggles
Wooo! I win!

WILL rolls over to face her and smiles. He touches her hair, and his hand moves down to rest on her arm. He kisses her temple.

(to be continued...)

defined: Ability to acquire, retrieve, and use knowledge in a meaningful way; to understand concrete and abstract ideas; and to comprehend relationships among objects and ideas.
Know it. Show it.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Posts on this blog may seem somewhat cryptic to those of you for which it was not intended. If you are unsure what the real meaning behind something is, and you were not directly sent a link via email to this weblog, you are one of the unintentional viewers. That is OK, you are welcome to continue to visit me here; just don't assume that you will always know the underlying meaning of each post.

Things are not always what they may seem.

It's times like this...
-that I could use a full body rub down.
-that I already know I won't get any sleep.
-that if I even fall asleep, I wont wake up rested.
-that I wish my bed wasn't so damned big.
-and empty.

I like it hot.
The hotter the better.
the longer you wait
the more intense it is
once you get a taste.
but some heat may be lost
if you wait too long.

What am I talking about?

She's next to me.

sleeping.

She passed out (non-alcohol induced, merely from exhaustion) five minutes after arriving and sitting down on my couch. Part of me wants to wake her up and seduce her but I only HOPE for the quiet still sleep that she has achieved. I can never seem to sleep that peacefully.

So, instead, I pulled out the laptop - and decided to write whiile I watch a movie with one ear piece of my small earphones in. (no longer broadcasting in stereo tonight.) This is so I can still hear her breathing.

Damn but I'm such a sap.

Rather than list 4,000 results for the Googlism of BERT, I thought I'd select one of each of the following:
Who is Bert?
- Bert is the bomb.
What is Bert?
- Bert is a mushy in your face red tiger cat.
Where is Bert?
- Bert is finally revealed.
Why is Bert __________? (fill in the blank with whatever adjective comes to mind)
- Bert is ___________, because someone said something nice about him: critic's review

I'm not really sure what will show up here or how often it will happen. I guess we can make up the rules as we go along.