Monday, February 28, 2005


n : one who attacks the reputation of another by slander or libel.

It's one thing to say things about me. But when a person insults my friends -- or worse, my family, I find it very hard to live by the rules of 'forgive and forget'. The forgive part usually comes in time. It is the 'forgetting' that I find extremely difficult.

I usually don't expect much from people. Give your friends the same respect and love and TIME that they give to you, and your aura will be as sweet as honeysuckle nectar.

I pride myself on dedicating time to helping people that need. I listen to them, and all I want in return is

1) for them to occasionally ASK ME HOW I'M DOING for a change,


2) at least try to be receptive and understanding to my feelings as I have expressed them.

I enjoy talking to people on line. I enjoy getting to know (on the superficial level allowed by electronic communication) them. I do feel a heavy sense of rejection when they disregard my feelings; even though it shouldn't matter.

I'm sorry if you feel I should always be the one to initiate things each time we meet, but it really isn't a very solid / online or otherwise / friendship if its that one sided.

I may be annonymous and somewhat fictional, but I have a heart, I've been to Oz, seen the wizzard and I do have feelings. I'm having a bad day, again. Most of you would not understand - but then again, most of you haven't asked.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005


Still not sleeping; either at night when I am off work or during the day after I get off work. I'd blame it on lack of sex, but ya know, when I was still married and had sex on a regular basis -- I didn't sleep then either.

I'm just not meant to sleep I guess. (no eyelids)

Anyway, it had been a while since I had stopped by the AmberBlog , so I decided to drop in tonight while I was waiting for my room to cool off enough to be able to attempt to sleep. I don't really share the same type of enthusiasm for dom/sub that Amber does with her husband however I find myself longing for a lasting relationship involving that much love and sex; which hasn't been part of my life for a while now.

I'd like to say that my life, like my weblog has been drab and uneventful; when in reality I have more shit going on in the background than I even have time to sort into piles.

Why you are the lucky recipient/s of this particular information-- when we have never really exchanged that many personal words is beyond me. Guess something I read in the last month or two worth of posts struck home. I dunno.

My girlfriend of 2 years is moving to Boston to take a (permanent) offer to be an office manager for a bunch of idiot people who can't seem to run the office efficiently. This offer came in the form of a letter on 21 December 2004. We had picked up her mail at her apartment on our way to her parents' home (a couple of hours away). I had been considering and planning for the last few months on asking this woman to marry me; only I was torn between being:
a) completely romantic and buying a ring in hopes that its the right design and she likes it and WANTS to marry me.

b) being completely traditional, asking her father and mother for their blessing BEFORE asking her - in hopes that they would give said blessing -- and that she would want to marry me.

c) being open minded, modern and safe, ask her to marry me, in hopes that she would say yes, and then pick out a ring together.
On the drive up to her folks' house, I was waiting for a break in her chatty monologue about work (always talking about work); about stupid people that don't know how to sign the supply closet list and they ran out of fax paper and how much that screwed up everything and a lot of other mundane details. Oddly, I liked listening to her rant about work because once she got it all out she transformed into a relaxed and peaceful person.

"You're awfully Quiet," she said, as she started to open her mail.

I looked over at her and smiled, and said that I was just thinking, and listening to her talk about her day. I had started to say... "and I've been thinking a lot lately..."

It was then that she became very excited and repeatedly said, "oh my god oh my god!"

She was happy on a level that was indescribible. She told me about the job offer. She told me how much money they were offering. She told me she couldn't believe it. She told me this was the best opportunity EVER.

-- What could I say at that point?

(more to come)
Monday, February 07, 2005

Fade In.

ACT I Scene 1

WILL and ANNE are lying in bed, having just awoken, the curtains are drawn but a small amount of light filters through. They are motionless and quiet.

WILL rolls onto his back, stretches and cracks his toes and ankles.

ANNE, lying on her side, smiles and scrunches her toes in an attempt to make them crack. Faint cracking sounds can be heard.

WILL smiles and wiggles his feet, cracking his ankles multiple times. It is much louder than hers was.

ANNE cracks her toes again, and they continue with this competitive exchange for a few rounds.

WILL wiggles his feet, but nothing happens.

ANNE giggles
Wooo! I win!

WILL rolls over to face her and smiles. He touches her hair, and his hand moves down to rest on her arm. He kisses her temple.

(to be continued...)
Tuesday, February 01, 2005


defined: Ability to acquire, retrieve, and use knowledge in a meaningful way; to understand concrete and abstract ideas; and to comprehend relationships among objects and ideas.
Know it. Show it.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Posts on this blog may seem somewhat cryptic to those of you for which it was not intended. If you are unsure what the real meaning behind something is, and you were not directly sent a link via email to this weblog, you are one of the unintentional viewers. That is OK, you are welcome to continue to visit me here; just don't assume that you will always know the underlying meaning of each post.

Things are not always what they may seem.

Bert is Feelin'...


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If you don't "get it" that's ok. My moods vary from light hearted and amused to darker and often stormy. I do not feel that medication is necessary for the majority of people for every day mood changes, but for some reason everyone I know seems to be on either Zoloft or Prozac. That sums up all that is wrong in the world.
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