I am bored, but I can't sleep. By that I mean I am not really very tired. I desperately would like someone to talk to; however, everyone has turned in. (Tsk tsk... Friday Night and I'm a lonely bastard without a soul to talk to.) How utterly depressing that is.

If you are out there and you come across this (I may actually still be on line) try giving me a hello. If you are also bored maybe we can relieve some of the torture. I think I'm getting heartburn. I know I had a headache earlier but I was able to make that go away with accupressure points.

I have a sense of dread threatening to overcome me and Im not sure why or where its coming from. It is lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce.

I hate nights like this so much. Lying here just wishing I would fall asleep but knowing that it isn't going to happen any time soon. Tried to watch a movie to night but I was really too distracted to pay enough attention to it to follow it. Which in turn gave me feelings of guilt, since someone had asked me to watch it with her. Then she went to bed before it was over, so I turned it off. Either my mood wasn't right for it or it was too much of an Art film for me. I don't know.

Shit.

I just don't know. I wish I had some heavy caliber sleeping pill that I could take and not wake up for a couple of days. I just don't want to think tonigiht. I feel abandoned. It isn't related to on-line so much as events in my life -- but its how I feel.

Is it too much to ask to want to be in a relationship? I know it's not all that common by society standards for a guy to want to be in a relationship but I do. And when one ends I have a period of adjustment that sometimes lasts longer simply because I mope around feeling sorry for myself. There has to be a better way to get past this phase of things. Of course it is hard to find something productive to do at eleven o clock on a friday night.

What's really sad is the only phone calls I received today were work related calls. What is up with that? I guess none of those bastard fair-weather friends NEEDED an favors. I wish it were possible to shut myself off from all of them and not have to even deal with any people on a one on one basis for a while.
I wish i didn't have to sleep alone all the time.
I wish.

How pathetic.