I realize that just about everyone says I'm sorry in situations similar to this one, but I was amused since it came from the person I posted about 2 days ago.

I know this person (albeit a limited relationship, since I only speak to her on-line)... But she is one of those people who are very quick to ante up an "I'm sorry." When she gets snippy, or is in a bad mood and behaves rudely, she departs suddenly and returns hours later and says "I'm sorry."

Recently, this led me to ask her to explain to me what she was apologizing for. She just replied with For the way I acted. She admitted that she behaved in a self-centered manner. But when I tried to tell her how I felt about what she had said the previous day, she asked me why her "apology" wasn't enough.

I explained that if she refuses to (hear) and acknowledge how the other person FEELS about her actions, then her apology is meaningless; because she is not interested in trying to understand how it affected them. She told me that my words made no sense. She told me that she didn't understand. She said that she did acknowledge it because she knew she should apologize. Which to me, is as half hearted as her "I'm sorry" was. When I tried to put into words what I thought about what she had said to me before she signed off abruptly (therefore not giving me any opportunity to respond to her), she interrupted me to say "Well I said I was sorry and I don't understand why that isn't enough." (Circles, circles, circles.)

I find it extremely disheartening that a grown woman has so much trouble comprehending what a TRUE apology was. I tried explaining to her that it if she really expects those two words to fix everything, when she hasn't even considered how profoundly her actions affected the person, even if she knows they affected them and that she should apologize; then, she doesn't fully understand what an apology is. Sometimes it isn't enough.

The thing is, I never responded with an "It's o.k." - she just assumed that her half-hearted compunction was accepted.

A few related links, which may or may not be around for the lifetime of this weblog:
Saying I'm Sorry -- and Meaning it

I'm Sorry. About Something. (Sort of).

Yah, I didn't belive it when I (re)read it either. I guess I thought that by putting the concept onto these pages, I could claim de-denialification and it would seem as if I was actually going to jump out there and ravage women as I came across them without regard to safety or morals. (yah, that's gonna happen).

I am at least considering dating. I was at Starbucks earlier and thought, well hell this is easy- everyone's name is on their cup. That surely must be useful. Then I thought, oh wait... if two people go in and order drinks they generally put the same name on the cups anyway. Which means its not as useful as I originally had thought.

Lately I seem to have unquenchable thirst for cool water. Not ice cold, but cool. Ice cold is great, and I love it but when I am this thirsty it freezes my eyes, and that hurts.

Well I suppose now I have to prepare myself, mentally and physically to venture (back) out into the world of dating. What a grueling experience that can be.


Luckily for me, the very places I have frequented for the past (oh so many) years have an abundance of women to approach... and many of them know my face. It will not be like approaching complete strangers each time, since I have at least seen these women on a regular enough basis to smile and nod hello - or exchange a few words as I allow them to pass through the door before me as I hold it open. (such a nice guy I am in that respect).

I came to a decision, as hard as it was to do, and told her that I can't be expected to carry this silly torch around; it is just too damned heavy.

Ok, so that wasn't exactly how I worded it. I told her that as much as I care about her, I didn't think it was fair to either of us to carry on the way we have been for the past five months. If I could make a wish for her, it would be for her to find happiness, preferably back here with me, sure, but more importantly, I did want her to be happy. So in order to help make that possible, I was saying goodbye.

Sounds noble, doesn't it? Actually, if you knew more about how the conversation came to the subject, I said it more out of self-preservation than selfless-ness. I really just can't see much point in my suffering any longer than I already have.

In the most recent phone conversation, she spoke of loneliness. This led me to ask her, for a change, what she thinks a solution for that would be. Her answer was merely, I don't know. She talked for a while about the miles between us, and after some time she got to her point, It's just that I'm here, and you are not. Interesting observation, I was thinking very much the same. The difference is, I am here and happy. If you are there and not happy, and I am here and happy, (yes, that is stated and re-stated on purpose) then in every sense of logic - you are the one that should make a change.

We ended the conversation in agreement to move on. In the months to come at some point we can be friends but know that it is really better to have some time of separation before that is really possible.