Sunday, July 03, 2005


I came to a decision, as hard as it was to do, and told her that I can't be expected to carry this silly torch around; it is just too damned heavy.

Ok, so that wasn't exactly how I worded it. I told her that as much as I care about her, I didn't think it was fair to either of us to carry on the way we have been for the past five months. If I could make a wish for her, it would be for her to find happiness, preferably back here with me, sure, but more importantly, I did want her to be happy. So in order to help make that possible, I was saying goodbye.

Sounds noble, doesn't it? Actually, if you knew more about how the conversation came to the subject, I said it more out of self-preservation than selfless-ness. I really just can't see much point in my suffering any longer than I already have.

In the most recent phone conversation, she spoke of loneliness. This led me to ask her, for a change, what she thinks a solution for that would be. Her answer was merely, I don't know. She talked for a while about the miles between us, and after some time she got to her point, It's just that I'm here, and you are not. Interesting observation, I was thinking very much the same. The difference is, I am here and happy. If you are there and not happy, and I am here and happy, (yes, that is stated and re-stated on purpose) then in every sense of logic - you are the one that should make a change.

We ended the conversation in agreement to move on. In the months to come at some point we can be friends but know that it is really better to have some time of separation before that is really possible.


Bert is Feelin'...


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If you don't "get it" that's ok. My moods vary from light hearted and amused to darker and often stormy. I do not feel that medication is necessary for the majority of people for every day mood changes, but for some reason everyone I know seems to be on either Zoloft or Prozac. That sums up all that is wrong in the world.
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