I know this person (albeit a limited relationship, since I only speak to her on-line)... But she is one of those people who are very quick to ante up an "I'm sorry." When she gets snippy, or is in a bad mood and behaves rudely, she departs suddenly and returns hours later and says "I'm sorry."

Recently, this led me to ask her to explain to me what she was apologizing for. She just replied with For the way I acted. She admitted that she behaved in a self-centered manner. But when I tried to tell her how I felt about what she had said the previous day, she asked me why her "apology" wasn't enough.

I explained that if she refuses to (hear) and acknowledge how the other person FEELS about her actions, then her apology is meaningless; because she is not interested in trying to understand how it affected them. She told me that my words made no sense. She told me that she didn't understand. She said that she did acknowledge it because she knew she should apologize. Which to me, is as half hearted as her "I'm sorry" was. When I tried to put into words what I thought about what she had said to me before she signed off abruptly (therefore not giving me any opportunity to respond to her), she interrupted me to say "Well I said I was sorry and I don't understand why that isn't enough." (Circles, circles, circles.)

I find it extremely disheartening that a grown woman has so much trouble comprehending what a TRUE apology was. I tried explaining to her that it if she really expects those two words to fix everything, when she hasn't even considered how profoundly her actions affected the person, even if she knows they affected them and that she should apologize; then, she doesn't fully understand what an apology is. Sometimes it isn't enough.

The thing is, I never responded with an "It's o.k." - she just assumed that her half-hearted compunction was accepted.

A few related links, which may or may not be around for the lifetime of this weblog:
Saying I'm Sorry -- and Meaning it

I'm Sorry. About Something. (Sort of).