Monday, June 06, 2005


Prologue to Part I - "Details" (consequently, Part II has been delayed due to the necessary posting of these details). Yes, it is quite Wordy.

I'll start with a reply to the comment made by, who had some valid input on Part I.

Well ya know we're all human and everyone at some point (I think) finds him or herself in a similar predicament.What to do? Well, I guess it depends on which organ is loudest. (mind over heart/ head over heals - mind over... matter. The matter sometimes wins.

I've never claimed to be a superhero. I have always been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve.

I met her at a friend's house right before my birthday - in 2002. It took me nearly two months to get up the courage to ask her out to dinner. She has always had a job that required travel, so she was leaving the next morning for "the east coast" for two weeks. When I finally did ask her out, we went to a Thursday night dinner, and a walk in the park; then she left the following morning for two weeks. This went on for a while... three days home two weeks out type of thing. Then she landed a position where she was traveling less and would be home more often.

solAnyway, we dated exclusively for a little over two years when she was offered a (big time raise, and lots of benefits) to relocate. I guess in some ways, her decision to GO was my fault since I was dragging my feet a bit. I have a demanding schedule myself and pretty much just didn't think about where things were 'going' so much as the fact that they had seemed to be going well.I don't blame her for taking the job.

To set the record straight though, she didn't dump me; or not directly anyway. When she spent a month and a half unable to decide between (love or money) - taking the job or not, I basically told her to go. Then, at some point during the weeks that followed, I shut her out because it was just too hard trying to see her and pretend that she wasn't leaving in a month. I guess it was one of those breakups where both people want to be together but they both say that they agree to end things - without really meaning it. There really was no "dumping" as much as - this bandaid hurts when I tug on it, so I'll just let it sit here until it falls off on its own... eventually.

I then spent the past four months (give or take a few weeks) trying to move on with life and not focus so much on how much I missed her, only, she was a popular topic of inquiry by all of my friends. How was I getting along without her since she moved? Did I miss her? How was I sleeping lately? Do I talk to her often? The questions rolled in like waves at the beach. They were a constant. That is not meant to imply that I don't appreciate their curiosity or concern, because it's nice to know that they did at least acknowledge that I was going through (or trying to go through) some type of grieving or departure or process... whatever word really fits the situation. In order to spare them from my desperate grasp to talk about it in detail, I'd reply by telling them I was 'fine' and talked to her occasionally. Typical stock answers to questions better left unasked (I guess?).

I was getting along by working as much as possible. I missed her more than I could possibly express with my grasp of the English language. I was sleeping in small blocks of time, all of my dreams freckled with images of her. I had been talking to her several times a week; between e-mail, Instant Message and of course telephone. Yes. Yes. I missed her. Of course I did. I felt like when she left, a large part of the small population of people on earth that actually understand me disappeared.

It is very very late here on my street, and I must try to sleep so that I can wake up rested tomorrow for another week on the job. I promise to write the actual Part II for those that are interested in this sappy saga that my life has become.

And as for the offer to tour the Gentlemen's Clubs and be entertained... well, I guess if they are willing to serve us muppets, we can look into scheduling an itinerary once I am able to afford to do so.


Bert is Feelin'...


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If you don't "get it" that's ok. My moods vary from light hearted and amused to darker and often stormy. I do not feel that medication is necessary for the majority of people for every day mood changes, but for some reason everyone I know seems to be on either Zoloft or Prozac. That sums up all that is wrong in the world.
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