My sincerest apology is currently being offered in regards to my absence as of late. I have indeed been busy, although it is difficult to determine what exactly has kept me busy. I hope to continue to post in the near future and be able to share some stories of my adventures with you.

bemused.
adj. so lost in thought as to be unaware of one's surroundings.

At this time, I am not seeing anybody, but I have kept myself busy with work and have been gaining ground in my education. I spend a good amount of time having online conversations, but am not at liberty to go into further detail regarding them at this time.
Eventually, I will be able to come back and update you regarding what I have been up to, but at this time I have not been dating, so there is very little to tell. Tonight, however, is WINE night, and I shall partake in a glass or three of wine with my dinner. Other than that, I can only let you know that I am, indeed alive and hope to post more in the near future.
Thank you all for checking in.

I am being mocked, by my own conscience. That is to say that, it seems no matter how hard I try, I keep slipping down, down...down. I just can't seem to get ahead, and it is getting awfully dark here. I have often wondered, Would it be easier if I just died?

sardonicism. adj.
scornfully or cynically mocking.

Of course, those thoughts never linger in my mind, and I do not think I even harbor the balls to actually do anything about it... but I will admit that in my darkest times, I dance around the edges of the thoughts of "what would happen if I just ended it... NOW?"
Now, now... before you start to worry about ol' Bert... I want to let you know that immediately after a thought such as that enters my mind - even before it has a chance to be a fully developed thought (we can call it a "thoughtlette"), other thoughts -- such as thoughts about how an act such as "that" might affect the people I love... stomp out the thoughtlette, and I decide that I must, once again, SUCK IT UP and just deal with the SHIT that has been dealt.

So, here I sit, with a plate of shit before me. Wondering WTH I ever did (in this life, or perhaps in a previous one), to deserve the rough patch that has lingered for so long. WHEN am I going to get my good luck? Why hasn't it arrived yet?

Please accept my apologies, as I have been detained for so long-- I am trying to find my way back to writing more often.

momentaneous\mo`men*ta"ne*ous (adj.)
lasting for a markedly brief time. [A fleeting glance]

Lately, (lately? ... well... I guess it's been what, four? Five months? Believe me, I just have had so much going on. Most of which NOW seems so insignificant. As much as I want to tell you everything -- I will be unable to do that. I will however, come back at some point to give you some indication of exactly what has kept me so busy.

Love to you all.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I have recently been jailed, for utilizing my American given right to PROTEST. I was just standing there, with my sign, protesting -- and thanks to the choads (who were also protesting), being idiots -- I was brutally treated by the local po-lice -- and taken to JAIL.

I just got out this morning... thanks to my good friend and his adequate money stash. My court date is pending - and I am now on "house arrest".

I hope to be able to update you soon -- but don't hold your breath.

I am not gay.
[article]
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(Not that there's anything wrong with it).

Tonight, I attended a dinner party - type thing with Autumn. A friend of ours (the friends who introduced us) has a birthday -which is technically tomorrow; and tonight was the celebration. They had said "come to the dinner party"... but what they had in leiu of dinner was a bunch of foodie-appetizers. It was good food, I am not complaining about the taste or quality of it -- but I had been thinking "dinner party" meant - dinner-food... so I went to the thing HUNGRY.

soiree. n.
an evening party or social gathering,
especially one held for a particular purpose

I stayed as long as I could, and when my headache (which has been showing up at different levels of intensity for the past three days) returned... with the threat of pending vengeance... so I wished the birthday lady well, thanked her and her husband for inviting me, and I slipped out the door.

I am really just not feeling like myself. My pointed head has a dull ache, and I am really very tired. The back of my neck feels like the tendons and nerves are drawn so tight that if a house fly were to hit the back of my head, the tendons would snap, sending my head to the floor, and it would very likely roll under some piece of heavy furniture. Then it would be MONTHS before anyone would finally find it. (Can you imagine how bad that might smell?)

Anyway... I am not feeling quite like myself. I am probably no longer my usual yellow self.

-ciao.

This morning, like most mornings, I woke up, and within a few seconds, I sneezed. This seems to be --for the most part-- a thing that happens EVERY DAY, especially in autumn and winter.

Most mornings, after the five to six successive sneezes, I am ready to proceed normally (with one or two random sneezes, but not profusely) throughout the course of the day.

sternuation (n)
A sneeze (or sternutation) is a semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of air from the lungs through the nose and mouth, usually caused by foreign particles irritating the nasal mucosa. Sneezing can be triggered through sudden exposure to bright light, a particularly full stomach, or viral infection, and can lead to the spread of disease.

Today, however... this is not the case. I now wish that I had kept an accurate count of the number of times I have sneezed, since It is probably somewhere around 70 times... and I have only been up and about for around three hours.

If I could remedy this situation by simply removing my nose (total rhinectomy), I somehow think it might just alter my appearance enough that woo-ing the ladies would be a problem for me.

(Granted, I have a steady at this time, but that doesn't mean I don't like to be noticed for my fantastically impressive profile.) In any case. I have sneezed another eight or nine times just in the ten minutes I have taken to type this post.

Sunday-Monday, I worked 24 hours. Tuesday, I came home, slept about 4 hours, and found this blog template was missing the right column. NORMALLY, that would not pose such a problem. But!!! For some reason, I will lay blame on sleep deprivation (for the most part), I could not wrap my pointed head around the uber-simplified way blogger has changed it's HTML editor since my last template edit.

gratitude
n. a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation. "He was overwhelmed with gratitude for their help".

A close friend of Rita came to my rescue. She built a new template for me. Once I took the time to figure out that the empty looking boxes in the blogger template editor had to be clicked to reveal what was beneath them. I felt rather dumbassish. Despite my near-volcanic brain fart-- she indeed did a marvelous job designing the template, and I feel I may never be able to repay the good deed.

The best I can do is to mention the deed here, throw out some heartfelt thank you (thank you thank you-s), and hope that she drops by and sees it.

I am pretty certain that my current mood of "envervted" is not exactly surprising to most of you. While I have been sleeping (a bit better than usual), I do not feel "caught up" on sleep just yet.

enervated
adj. exhausted, worn out

No worries... I will get there, eventually. Things with Autumn are going quite well... despite the fact we do not spend that much time together - we both seem quite happy with what time we have.

I have the next two days off ... but they fall during the week, so I will not be seeing (much of) A. in the next couple of days. Perhaps on my next round of off-days, her schedule will coincide with mine and fall on a weekend, and we can spend some time together. (yes, wishful thinking, indeed).

Anyway, right now, that is all I have for a quick update... I wish I had something significant to say, but right now, I am too tired to think.

I am so hungry lately! The past two days, I think I have eaten more than I normally eat in a week.

Coffee, oatmeal, toast, two apples, a quesadilla, a Pop Tart, water, some Cheetos, whole grain pasta, Cracker Jacks, and tea, a cup of "Airborne" (cold remedy herbs), among other things. I agree... most of it is not very healthy. I simply do not feel like actually COOKING, but I am (very) hungry.

esurient
adj. very hungry or greedy; ravenous; avid

I have been sleeping a lot too. I am not quite sure I will complete my recent QUEST for sleep and food... but I am trying very hard to get back to normal. To spell it out... I am sick. I am slightly achey, have nasal congestion, have suffered numerous headaches in the past few days, and I am inescapably exhausted.

I am hoping that over the next few days, all of the sleep I have been getting will (finally) help me to feel normal again.

So far, in the past two days, I have slept 21 hours (at least). For me, that is a LOT of sleep.

Do you see that? Above us up there? That's right. Mistletoe. PUKER UP and gimme a kiss.

I'll be back soon, and hopefully can post something worth reading. I've been very busy lately.

Well, I am falling...

Something

related word
n. a define it

I'm not sure what caused it... maybe it was all of the worms (see previous post). I'm not feeling so great tonight. I have upper-abdominal discomfort. (That is the pleasant way of saying - this is not a poo-problem.)

While it is not heartburn -- it feels like my stomach used to feel when I was in high school. You see, during my high-school years, I had problems with stomach acid and ulcers. Oddly enough, they went away a few years later. Until now.

dyspepsia
n. a disorder of digestive function
characterized by discomfort or
heartburn or nausea

Needless to elaborate -- but here it is anyway, I don't feel so great. I've (taken / eaten) some TUMS, which have not yet worked. It is as if I can feel the illness creeping its way up my body... and despite my best efforts, I will be unable to prevent it.

For now, I am going to blame the schmoes at work, who, today, were constantly asking me, "Are you getting sick?"

(sigh). This sucks.

Nobody Loves Me...
Everybody hates me...
I think I'll go eat worms!

Long ones, short ones, fat ones, thin ones
See how they wriggle and squirm

I bite off the heads, and suck out the juice
And throw the skins away
Nobody knows how fat I grow
On worms three times a day

Ohh...nobody loves me.

WHAT the HELL?

Maybe it is just a typical for me cluster migraine... Maybe it is because I did not (could not) sleep last night. Maybe it was something I ate. Maybe it was the wine I drank yesterday... WHATEVER caused this, I hope it doesn't stay. I am stuck, at work, with my shoulders tensed up in a knot - due to the knot of pain in my frontal lobe on the right side. If this headache persists, and if it follows the natural course of headaches (according to my personal history of having them), it will later move to the parietal lobe, and then it will go away... temporarily.

cephalalgia
n.(Medicine / Pathology) a technical name for headache

The Music Meme is complete. I am so relieved. I never really thought that picking a song for each of the "daily topics" would be so challenging. Despite the fact I had such a hard time with the Meme--- this post is partially about a song I heard while I was watching TV tonight (The Big C on Showtime) and this song played... so I went looking for it. Voila-- found it in seconds, literally, without even knowing the title or artist name.



Tomorrow, I have a lunch date. Yes. Really. A Lunch Date I know... it has been a while. I will let you know if it goes well, and if there will be more dates to follow this one.

denouement-
n.the final resolution to an intricate plot.

I am not sure that with my last date -- a few months ago I think it was, that I was ready. I am not sure that I am ready now... but I am going to try.

There is an italian restaurant, that has been getting good reviews -- it isn't a cheap place, but it isn't extremely expensive... I hope the food is good. I hope the SERVICE is good. I've read mixed reviews on the websites that let people write their own comments, so I guess we'll see.

Music Meme, Day 29: One song that gives you the creeps.

Doesn't Exist. someone said it all here.

I don't think there are any songs that "give me the creeps". Not even in the death-thrash-metal that claims to be satanic. BUT there are some groups that are so "different" that I consider them weird and I don't listen to them.

Bands like Slipknot. I really just think most of them do it for attention. Like Marilyn Manson - and before him Alice Cooper -- and Ozzy in his younger days -- it's all in their OFF view of showmanship.





Music Meme, Day 30: A song you’d like played at your funeral.

Ken Bonfield - Requiem [go hear it]

I feel that a song without words would be the best way to celebrate the life of someone as talkative as myself. Lyrics in a situation where I would be dead would interrupt the thoughts of whoever had come to say goodbye to me. This would allow them to remember me as they want to - with whatever memories they have; and since it has no lyrics, they would not be trying to read meaning into the chosen piece.

* * * /// * * * \\\ * * *



That does it. I did it. I finished the postings of the 30 songs -- although it took me more than 30 days.

[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Music Meme, Day 28: One song that needs to never be played again.

Madonna - True Blue [wiki]

In... 1986 (I think) MTV had a "contest" where viewers made videos for this song and submitted them. It was all they played - for about a WEEK maybe TWO.

this was back in the day before MTV started SUCKING completely-- and when videos were entertaining. (Now you may as well just sit around watching video taped concert footage), because other than the Foo Fighters, and a few other groups -- NOBODY puts any creative thought into any video anymore.

Anyway... those one or two weeks of all Madonna / all True Blue / all the time... really really sucked




[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Music Meme, Day 23: Your favorite duet.

Stevie Nicks & Tom Petty - Stop Draggin My Heart Around

I scanned through many, many, many lists of duets, male / female , male / male, female / female...
and I realized that I don't like most of those songs. So I picked the one that I do like.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Music Meme, Day 24: Your favorite cover song.

Maynard James Keenan - Rocket Man

I heard this one the other day, and I like it so it is the current favorite. There are a LOT of covers that I actually like, but I'm sticking with the "of the moment" theme.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Music Meme, Day 25: Favorite song from 2010 (so far)

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - All You Do is Talk - [video]

Honestly, I never listen to the radio, so keeping up with currency isn't a thing for me. I honestly have no idea when songs come out these days... so I did some research for songs released this year. From a large selection I have picked one as my "current" favorite.

This one has a very mid to late 80s sound -- or at least it does to me.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


Music Meme, Day 26: Your favorite movie video.

Movie video? What the hell is a movie video? ASSUMING they meant MUSIC video? Do they still MAKE music videos, or is it all "here is some video footage of the band singing (oh wow gee how fun)?

OK, Go - Here it Goes Again [see the video]

I haven't watched "music videos" since the 1990s. I figured they had gone the way of the DoDo bird. I watched (many) videos and I liked this one (as far as being a new(er) video and contributing something to entertainment).

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I also just realized that when I posted more than one "day" in a post that I should have reversed the order of those grouped posts.

AH, well.

Music Meme, Day 27: One song in your mp3 folder you’re pretty sure no one else has.

Jugtown Pirates - Easy Come, Easy Go -

I got NOTHIN" that nobody else don't got.

I am pretty sure someone in the world has a chance at having any one of my songs. This is just a stupid question.
I picked Jugtown Pirates, because -- at least to my knowledge they are not yet signed with a major record label. I heard them while I was in San Francisco. They were playing on the streets near the place where the street car transfers station. I liked that they were different, and I dig on some bluegrass once in a while... so I bought their CD.

Music Meme, Day 18: An instrumental song you like.

Johann Sebastian Bach • I've always really liked this piece.



It's not an exciting video, but it is one that permitted sharing in this way.

* * * * * *


Music Meme, Day 19: Your favorite love song.

Amos Lee • Arms of a Woman

I had a hard time selecting one for this-- because each "new love" has a different song that has meaning to go with it.

* * * * * *

Music Meme, Day 20: Your favorite breakup song.

John Mayer • All We Ever Do is Say Good-bye


Um... well read some of this weblog, and that is all the explanation you should need. Sadly, there isn't much to this song, Lyrically, but I like it anyway.

... and

The Yahoos • Baby, I Love You, (Just Leave me the F#&k Alone)

Why? Because it amuses me, and completely fits how I feel about Break-ups.

And yes, this one is for you. (You know who you are.)

* * * * * *

Music Meme, Day 21: A song that makes you want to break stuff.

System of a Down • Chop Suey

There are no songs that make me want to "break stuff". I do tend to listen to harder music when I am in a pissed-off mood, but I've never been one to throw or break items out of anger.

THAT SAID, I will just select one of my more violent mood type of songs and call it good.

* * * * * *

Music Meme, Day 22: Your favorite song from a movie

Bob Marley • (Don't Worry) Three Little Birds

There are so many songs -=- so many movies... This is another one of those that changes FREQUENTLY... so, again, in a day or two I'd have a different answer. I heard this one in the movie I AM LEGEND with Will Smith (that movie is a re-make, for those that don't know so already).

Music Meme, Day 16: The first song in your mp3 folder.

That depends on how it is sorted. By date, by artist, by song title... What is the point in this question?

Sorted by Song Title:
The Jackson 5 • [ABC] as easy as 1-2-3.

-- -- --
Sorted by Date Added:
Guns n Roses • [Sweet Child O' Mine] dated 13 May 1998.

* * * * * *

Music Meme, Day 17: The last song in your mp3 folder.

Sorted by Song Title:
ZZ Top • [Tush] I ain't askin for much... hmmm mmm!!

-- -- --

Sorted by Date Added:
Maynard James Keenan • [Rocketman] Cover of the Elton John song... by the guy from the guy from Tool. Yeah, seriously! Tool!

* * * * * *


[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Music Meme, Day 15: A song you liked in high school.

Again, there is just WAY too much music. I was going through sites that listed the top songs of 1984-1987, and really, there was (in my OPINION) a lot of pretty bad music. Way to happy, way too NEW WAVE. (sigh). I have always liked Van Halen, so I decided to try to find something else that I liked during those years.

Simple Minds

• [Don't You (Forget About Me)] (1985)

This was one of the limited number of non-heavy metal type songs that I liked.

When I was in Junior High / High School, I listened to (a LOT) of "Metal". Ozzy (with or without Black Sabbath), AC/DC, (and then the ones that make me laugh now...) Motley Crue (BEFORE they did Theatre of Pain) , Iron Maiden and many others like them. I listened to the stoner music, although I was never a stoner. I was not into Duran Duran, did not Mousse my hair, nor did I ever wear eyeliner... well, except for maybe on Halloween (the holiday, not the band). <:o)

Anyway, I liked this song, and looking through (countless top 100 site listings, it was really one of the few I remember liking that was listed on such sites.

[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

I know, I know... I am WAY behind. I'll knock out three of these, and then try to catch up a bit. Fair warning though, I am going to be away this weekend, so there will be no Friday, Saturday, or Sunday postings.

Music Meme, Day 12: A song that makes you want to have sex.

Led Zeppelin • [Stairway to Heaven]

I honestly am having a hard time thinking of a song that "makes me want to have sex", I mean, I can honestly be ready at a MOMENTS NOTICE. (Yah, it's been a while, for sure).

BUT - for my *first time* ... Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven played on the radio. Funny how one is not likely to forget something such as that.

For fun, I am posting a version done by the Foo Fighters instead of the original. Apparently, Dave Grohl has no idea what the lyrics are, and I think he is chewing gum during this performance [?], but it is entertaining, nonetheless.

Foo Fighters • Cover of Stairway to Heaven

}--*--*--*--{

Related, in a way-- and I think pretty funny...

Matthew Wilder • [Break My Stride]

While I do not want to have sex when I hear this song, I THINK about sex when I hear it. That is because a guy I used to know told me that he thinks about sex every time he hears it. I think he said that this occurred because it once played while he was having sex, I cannot remember the details of his story (Thank God).

But when I hear it, I have to suppress any images or thoughts of him, pumping away, with his big belly most likely in the way. Why he decided to share this detail of his life with me, I will never really know.

* ~ I ~ * ~ | ~ * ~ I ~ * ~ | ~ *

Music Meme, Day 13: A song you sing in the shower.

Lifehouse • [Broken]

This varies on a daily basis. I guess it depends on what has played (recently) from my iPod App on my iPhone. This morning, it was Crazy Little Thing Called Love - (Stray Cats). A few days ago, it was Broken - by Lifehouse... and some time before that it was Far Behind - by Candlebox.

* ~ I ~ * ~ | ~ * ~ I ~ * ~ | ~ *


Music Meme, Day 14: A song from the year you were born.

The Foundations • [Build Me Up, Buttercup]

I picked this one just because it was the first one that came to mind. There were a lot of songs in 1969. At least just about everyone knows this one!




[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Again, for some reason, yesterday I guess I forgot to do this. But, these two go hand-in-hand.

Music Meme, Day 11: A song that reminds you of your mother.

Neil Diamond

• [I am, I Said]

My mom LOVES Neil Diamond. This is her favorite song.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Music Meme, Day 10: A song that reminds you of your father.

Cat Stevens

• [Father and Son]

This song reminds me of my Stepfather, (who raised me). He loved this song.


[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Music Meme, Day 9: A song that reminds you of an ex.

Chicago • [Hard Habit to Break]


For this one, I selected a song from the 80s for my "first girlfriend". This was a two-week relationship in the 9th grade, during which we would walk the halls from one class to the next holding hands, and talked on the phone every night. She would pass me a note between classes (at least one per day), all folded up with a little pull-tab with which to open it.


* * * I am sorry this one is late * * *

Music Meme, Day 8: One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.

Limp Bizkit • [Band Website] I know, some of you LIKE THEM... and that is OK, but this is not your weblog. I have heard ONE song by this group that I actually like, and right now I can't really recall which one it is. :) I'll come back and add the name of it when I do.

[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Music Meme, Day 7: One band/singer SONG you’re ashamed to admit you like.*

I decided to change this one to a SONG I'm embarrassed to admit that I like, Of course, I don't even know why I let this one play, but I tend to leave it on any time it plays randomly. I have not deleted it from my MP3s... yet I am not sure why.

O-Zone - Numa Numa

• [Notorious Video] that made this song known.

hahaha. What a Lame-O I am.

[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]

Music Meme, Day 6: Your favorite band

Again, there are just too many that I like. I guess I don't have favorite artists, or favorite bands on a solid. That is to say... my tastes, as I stated before, change. Frequently and without reason.

So, my choice, based on TODAY and my MOOD... is

Blue October

• [Band Website]

I thought this meme would be a great deal of fun... and I am deciding (now) that I am just really effin' indecisive. Seriously. I cannot pick a single band / group that is my all time favorite. I have 24 days left of this meme, and I feel that I am failing quite miserably at it.

I ordered my song list in iTunes alphabetically by artist, set it to randomize, and hit the -> next button forty-one times. I selected forty-one, because in a week, that will be my age. So, that was not a complicated thing to decide on for me.

I did this to try to figure out what bands for which I have the largest number of songs. The largest song number by any particular band is Led Zeppelin... but then, a lot of that has to do with how many songs or albums the band has released, and that is not a great method for finding a favorite. (although I have always really liked Zeppelin).

Going back to the frequently played list, at the top (highest play count) are:

Blue October, Disturbed, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Breaking Laces, and Nada Surf.

What I listen to is completely dependent on my mood. When I am in an aggressive, pissy, angry, or negative mood, bands like Disturbed fit the ticket. If I am in a mellow-ish mood, feeling a LITTLE bit on the low side, but not totally dumpish, Blue October works for me. When I want to sit around and think about my ex-girlfriend, J, John Mayer and Jack Johnson will be listened to. When I am feeling relatively happy, and want to sing along, I like Nada Surf, Breaking Laces and many many others.

I mean, with five thousand, nine hundred and seventy-eight songs... how can I possibly pick ONE song, or ONE band?

[Meme, Day 1, with the entire list of assignments, can be found here.]